Before I marvel my reader(s) with my intense acumen and hyper sensitive palate, it’s imperative that we develop some sound metrics. So, after minutes of thinking we decided to steal the “star system” and make it our own. Instead of a rating such as “2 out of 5 stars” our ratings will be something like “2 out of 5 grapes”. It’s groundbreaking.
Now, one issue I have when it comes to ratings such as these is that you never see a “0 out of 5 stars”. For instance, Netflix has a 2 star rating for Robin Hood, starring Russell Crowe. That movie was quite possibly one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life. Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner is a much better film, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights, blows them both out of the water. My point is that Robin Hood, starring Russell Crowe, should have received 0 stars. Hence, if I come across a wine that is terrible I’m not afraid to give it a 0 grapes rating. I don’t want you to waste your time like I did thanks to Netflix and its BS “2 star rating”.
With this system in mind, we venture together into our first wine review. The wine is0 Degrees of Riesling from Three Brothers Wineries and Estates in Geneva, NY. It was a gift, which satisfies the “30 rack of Bud Light Rule” (If you’re not familiar with the “30 rack of Bud Light Rule” you’re clearly not a wine enthusiast and need to refer to our first post). And if you don’t have friends as cool as ours who give us gifts of wine, you can buy a bottle from their website for $12.
Apparently it has “notes of pear and fig”. I’ll take their word for it. I threw an ice cube in there and it tasted pretty good. It also came in a bottle with a twist off cap, which is tremendous, and the label, although not aesthetically pleasing in my wife’s eyes, was extremely informative. The Three Brothers did something very useful for the wine novices. 0 Degrees of Riesling is dry, 1 Degrees of Riesling is medium-dry,2 Degrees of Riesling is medium-sweet, and 3 Degrees of Riesling is sweet. AND they put all of that info on their label!
Other than the slight emasculation I felt drinking a glass of wine around a fire pit while everyone else was crushing beers, I have to say I enjoyed my 0 Degrees of Riesling experience.
Rating: 3 GRAPES – Rating based on cost (free), accessibility (twist-off cap), label (very informative), and I poured myself a second glass.
Scenario: “Oh, you’ve never had 0 Degrees of Riesling? Weird. It has that local, hometown feel. It comes from a small winery in Central, NY called Three Brothers Wineries and Estates. They used to host weddings there as well. It’s really an enjoyable Riesling, if you’re a fan of the drier stuff. You may notice a hint of pear and fig.”